Letter to my younger self

Dear Bethie,

You are like a science experiment:

Red for joy, and filled with so much love, the love of God passed down.
Eyes wide open, arms spread ready to embrace the future, hope in God…
Off to college and trusting God to provide, leaning on the faith of parents.

Stuff gets dropped in, pain will go to your core, but not without hope.
Remember?
Waking the morning Carolyn died knowing that it would be that day,
so when the news came with pain that night there was also the balm
that God had prepared you.
He did.
He will continue to do so.

So as you wait for life to unfold,
as you write poems with sometimes a future telling bent
or a dream to come true,

You’ll start to realize they don’t always come true exactly as imagined.

There’s maybe a thrilling moment when things are perfect,
and then

the unexpected, the mess

and there will be times when the bubbling over joy
becomes the tears all round,
the lying down before the cross,
crying out how hard this is.
The silence will be like that night you cried for Carolyn.
He will be there.
He will hold you.
Because, look at the smile on that girl with her science monster.
It takes in the whole bubbling mass and the overflow too.
Messy, wet, unexpected, too much or not enough.
He LOVES you, Bethie.
He HOLDS you, Dear heart.
Even when it BREAKS, your heart is not dropped.
Trust him always,
remember HE loves.
Walk in that love, not in the worry or fear or grief…
and thank him
take time to praise him.
And you’ll see…
The dreams that don’t end up looking like you imagined?
They look perfect; he just couldn’t tell you all the secret
before making it come true.

Be God’s, and you’ll be fine.
with much love,
Beth

Rejoicing in the Faith Jam that got me started blogging: