This has been a hard week for me.
I’ve been noticing some things though. Whenever I get too stressed the evil thoughts come. I get tangled up in wrong thoughts and then I act wrongly. When that happened on Monday I broke down on the inside and fear came rushing in. I repented and cried out to the Lord.
Besides giving me the fourth chapter of James to memorize in school work with Ravinia, God gave me a visual.
Our puppy cried out on the porch. Her leash had gotten tangled in the railing as she went in and out.
Ravinia went out to her, all compassionate, and led her back through the way she had come until she was free.
But soon enough she was crying out again. It was around her leg as well, really tangled up.
The third time, I unleashed her and took her up in my arms. I brought her in and settled her on my lap with a bone to chew. Soon she was sleepy and I tucked her in to her puppy place, under part of a blanket.
I don’t think puppy learned not to tangle her leash. I don’t expect she will, for a while yet. I am not impatient with her for that.
I just wish I could learn not to tangle mine!
Like, every single day this week.
At least I could call to my Master to come and free me, which he daily did.
Can follow his directions to untangle the mess.
Can rejoice when he unleashes me and holds me close to his heart.
It happened on Thursday. An email holding out hope of our Master bringing us to meet (and hug long) some day. A walk on the beach, picking up stones of remembrance to use in an Easter garden. Tea with a wise woman who looked at various tangles with me. An email from Rosie, who prays for me on Thursdays. And then dinner and a simple service of foot washing at the nearby church where Ravinia goes for youth group on Wednesday evenings.
Good Friday night as I sat in church, after my turn to read scripture, meditation, and prayer, and between singing hymns and listening to others read, I remembered.
One time when things were bad, quite bad, I went alone into the sanctuary on a weekday. I sat in the first pew and my tears puddled. I cried out to God that it was all so hard. Then I did something I’d heard of, that I’d seen in the Luther movie. I laid face down like a cross before the cross.
Because I’ve done it once, just that once, I can go back there in my memory. Maybe five times I’ve relived that moment, when things are hard.
God doesn’t wipe away my struggle with his superior strength. He knows, he cares, he watches over me. He wants me to count it all joy when things are hard because he is at work.
So back to Holy Week:
I’m glad it was hard. (Jesus knows hard.)
I’m glad I blew it daily. (Jesus didn’t!)
I’m glad that wise woman told me, “It’s not about you.”
I’m so very glad for the cross and the resurrection.
All thanks and praise to God!