I need sabbath rest. Since learning about and starting to keep biblical feasts the year we studied ancient history (Ravinia was in 4th grade) I have found it wise to keep sabbath on Saturday, church on Sunday the first day of the week.
That’s different from how I grew up, keeping a fairly strict sabbath on Sunday (remember Pa’s story in Little House in the Big Woods?!). I appreciate that I couldn’t do homework on Sunday. I learned to get it done Friday afternoon, same as any other school day and then have a free weekend with nothing hanging over me.
I also rely on grace. I don’t mean to rely on grace in such a way that I have the cavalier attitude portrayed in Romans 6:1. I mean to rely on grace like holding onto ropes when trying to cross a hanging bridge, especially when I miss my footing.
I missed my footing last Saturday. I did chores, saying to myself, it’s amazing I can feel restful and still get this laundry in. Look how much I am accomplishing, and this feels so restful! But it wasn’t, in the end. My week suffered. My emotions and spirit were brittle. Snapped easily.
When I heard Beth Moore say that to lose one’s temper was the same as losing the shekinah glory of God upon my life, something clicked with horrible conviction. I didn’t look. That was Tuesday.
I listened again, with Ravinia, on Friday. Repented. “God, I need your mercy and grace! Forgive my stubborn self. It’s not what I want but your will I want. What you say, what you have for me in scripture I want to follow even if I or others can explain it away. Your word is eternal Lord.”
This Saturday I held onto the ropes and I took another step. I left the dishes and laundry, although one load did go in because of an emergency the cat occasioned on the couch cover! I read a book for my heart. I still did shop, I didn’t completely follow as I had been taught to sabbath rest. In the evening I fought in my spirit again. Negative voices. But scripture came.
We take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
My spirit was panting.
My daughter noticed my struggle, “Mommy, you seem sad. Can you smile?” I smiled.
Finally the day was done, things accomplished and rest begun. A very small start. I sat down in the living room and he looked up. “Everything okay?” he asked gently.
“No, but it’s hard to put into words. Every thought captive to Christ.”
And then, it was gone.
Praising God today!